Confuse….

I’ve been such a cry baby this days. I don’t want to think that I’ve regretted letting you be a part of my life now. Though I boldly admit that I greatly regretted the fact that ” I trusted you so much for my happiness”. Certainly, I knew so well, – long time ago – that you alone can make yourself happy, I live my life believing on that, but I don’t know why am having a hard time embracing such fact.

I am badly broken and hurt. You’ve been telling me you love me yet I find it so hard to really believe in that love you utter. You’ve been telling me am the only one you love but you dont make me feel love. Now, am thinking of letting you go even if I love you dearly. Now, am learning to live my life again, a life with out you.It pains my heart, so bad actually, but I thought pain will be gone soon.

I am slowly learning now, trying to things how things would be like with out you.

I am teaching myself to be happy with out you….and Perhaps contemplating over living a life away from  you…..

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angry – frustrated – disapointed – stupid

great life

I am trying to think about my life now. I feel so bad thinking I cant be that good so that somebody could live a lighter life. I am always been told that I am selfish, I am this and that.  Well, I guess I am. I work my way through college. I’ve been frustrated, angry, disaponted and felt so down all the time. Just because am no good, but inspite of that I tried hard, really hard.

Everything seems to be so frustrating this days. My job sucks , am feeling so useless… I wanna die..

I am No GOOD thats it!!! so am living nalang that life…darn

In Love – Handing part of my happiness to someone

love_heart2

I decided to love a person whose been so different from me. I am taking my chances on him. I lost my faith on men for I was badly broken before by few men that I love so dearly. Then I meet this man whom I choose to love and I know by doing that, I expose myself to another possible wave of unexplainable and unbearable pain. I love him so dearly that at times even just the thought of him, tears my eyes. I never thought I could love this way. With him I will feel pain, I know. But am taking my chances for I know only with him I will be truly happy. I want him to be mine really, but I accepted the fact that it has to be a mutual decision. It should be, the both of us that should decide to hold on and gladly as of this time  we did…………………………

I  Love him so…..

“Unrequited love “

preciousheart

“Unrequited love can be a very painful thing. Unfortunately, it happens a lot of times to a lot of people. Ano nga ba ang gagawin mo kung ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman mo ay natitiyak mong hindi masusuklian? Sadly, there is nothing one could do but get over the pain and move on with life.

But sometimes, rare though it may be, fate smiles and decides to alter the roll of the die. Then pain becomes joy, and we realize that life does hold unexpected surprises for us after all.”

-Laurice del Rio-

“A hard life”

“It is when you tried to be better that you discover how badly broken you’ve  become ”  – mai-bitter

Sound Advice from a Dying Monarch

happiness1

Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.

Ecclesiastes  11:9

King Solomon had everything. Greatness, knowledge, power prestige, everything that a human soul could misconceptualy desire to find happiness but evidently King Solomon clearly define all of those things as vanity, chasing after the wind.  Inspite of everything the end of his life was terrible. I remember our  pastor once  said :  “Solomon’s life drew an end under the punishment of affliction and frustration.” The life of Solomon has been a great example that worldly things doest mount to anything but temporary enjoyment and happiness.

Cease to chase after the winds and takes this advice from a dying Monarch

1. You are accountable to God for your life.  (Ecclesiastes 11:9)

-regardless of what you learn in school.

– what the world tell you

To go to heaven is completely different as facing God when you’re there for judgement.

2. Set  your priorities right early in your life.

-God should be the priority of your life.

to be continued……

The Dawn of my life

capturing the dawn in cebu city

The desire to remember even just a bit of happiness i felt as i took this photo has been so intense. I am wondering if I am still capable to find the same bliss I used to have. The picture was taken on the roof deck of the ship. We were on our way to cebu city for our educational trip. A moment meant to be remembered.

I woke up early today to review. I’ll be taking an exam later. I notice the slowly change of the sky. I hear the rooster crows and the chirping of the morning bird indeed new day is yet to come. I then started to ponder, when was the last time I let my heart  stay still and appreciate the beauty of wonders like this. Since when??? This past few weeks was the busiest week of my life. Projects were due , its seems everybody was busy.  The word relax, be still, were forgotten.  But I realize that those weeks, I seem to loose the importance of life. I fail to appreciate things that surrounds me. I used to be so occupied with the things in this world. As today the feeling is so different. I am on the state of appreciating this things. Dawns are beauty,  for the poet it may suggest hope after the dark.  As for me the dawn signifies change, a brand new and different day is to come, a day which is  unique from yesterday.The dawn suggest happiness and peace to my soul. Oh!! how I love it!

I am confused with a lot of things right now.  The desire of  change is to intense that I am hurting. I am aware that plenty of things in me calls for a change  but then though the passion is there but i guess the perseverance, I lack :(.  Gone are the days when i am in the dark. Should I say I am at the dawn of my life???, but I am afraid for the change. I am so terrified with the vision of change. I wanted to cry, I just don’t know what to do rather I am not willing to do it cause its painful. Direct me Lord God to which way should I go. Incline my heart to your ways that I may be doing what is right and would glorify you. There are  plenty of wrongs in me that I am confuse as to how to make them right, how to start and how to take it. You know me more than I know myself. I don’t wanted to be on the state of foolishness just because am lonely and I am in pain. I know I can find hapiness in you alone Lord God. But how am I ganna do it.. How??? Help me Lord God.

be determine to change

Sanity and I am sane

sanity

“Live your life and never mind others”, I completely dis agree with that phrase.For whether how much you convince yourself or how you deny the presence of other people, In anyway they are influencing or making an impact in your life.

Everybody is busy. so busy to meet deadlines as for them to graduate. I hate the people for being so inconsiderate.

Imu ba gi consider na nag pa set set ka ug defense skedule peo wala japon me na accomodate. Then kung naa ka mahanap na mali sa amung papers imu lang e reject dayun..ana ra lugar na ka sayun…. Unsa? mag sakit da i imung tiyan  kung mka graduate me. I s too much to take for your soooo stupid pride na dawaoan ang truth na basen mag graduate me tanan. In ana jud da i mo ka selfish na ang amung gi hago an for 5 years, mao ni ang reward inyu pa jud gipag kaet sa amu. When in fact kabalo nka, aware na we did our part. Peo naa lang jdu mga stupid nga people nga greedy sa money. Dili mag hesistate ug paasa sa uban na tao.

Just because studyante me dawaton na lang lugar namu. Dapat maging considerate lang sad unta mo m aski gamay lang..karon lang gyud. Kalipay da i ninyu nga ma gool me. Grabe rasad mo…lame kaayu mo pang patyon tanan…….

Naa pay isa nga kung makita me nga busy mag apil apil sad dayun..waaa seloso ra jud kaayu. You often say na KSP me..peo tan awa inyung ka ugalingon arent you being KSP this time…….Tigulang na man unta mo…

PESTE!!!!!!! MONG TANAN……………..

SABA NA LANG GUD NGA DILI MO GUSTO NA MAG GRADUATE ME…ATAY LANG

To God be the Glory!

glory

I am on the state of worrying right now. I am ashamed coz this only show that I have little faith, but inspite of that I want to shift that state from worrying unto glorifying God. I made stupid decisions in my life. I guess i need them to learn. I realize that the reason behind those unwise decisions  is that i am seeking glory not for God but for me.I wanted to list maybe not all just some of the few reasons why i need to glorify my savior.

  • He come and die for me, thus save me from eternal punishment
  • He never gets tired of pardoning me
  • He never hesitated to discipline me even if everytime am hurting he is feeling double of my pain
  • He never really forsaken me, it is I that leave on His presence
  • He gave me a family that is beyond perfect but still blessed by him
  • He send me to school
  • He never give second thought on accepting me, everytime i choose to journey on my own
  • Inspite of how dirty, filthy i made myself still He embraces me with Love
  • He consider me
  • He made me as me

Woman for God….

womenofgod2

Plenty of things happen this week. Circumstances that certainly like what James Allen said from one of his book – circumstances that would surely reveal who you really is.  I lost my temper to one of my dearest friend. I deliberately show to her that am angry. Certainly, I fail to be a woman God wanted me to be and brought shame to my creators name. Inspite of those terrible events, I am happy to start my week again with knowing my worth, knowing what should i ought to be as a woman for God and knowing how God  sees me as a woman.

A desire to be with someone has been bothering me lately.  But I thank God for even if my end might not be for His glory but still he guide me through.He never permitted that my loneliness and pain would make me commit myself to someone who doesn’t deserve to have  me. I realize just now, –  after reading an article written by Bonnie Risk entitled “A Woman of God” that I am treated by God with care and gentleness. I am “GREATLY LOVED” by God, it is always been. I always thought that I am cursed to be a girl – a woman and that God love me less compare to a man, for I am created to follow authority. I thank God that I know just now, He revealed to me that I am lucky and destined to be a girl  a woman. I admit, I came to admire  those people who had the capability of hurting me and i alowed ’em, I’ve been rude and been bitter, harsh to myself which I shouldn’t have been. God loves me and everytime am hurting, he is feeling double or even triple of the pain.

I should strive to be a woman that reveals Gods glory rather than bringing abomination to Him.In the world that we live in, woman are striving for equality which impossible. I should not strive for that, rather than spending time doing it why not meditate on how to be a woman for God.

I wanted to end this article by saying that “WOMAN are indeed important and  valued by God. That is why we have also to be responsible, try our very best to be better. Find some one that would see you as God sees you..God wanted you to be loved.am certain to that.So don’t just settle for someone who is not capable of loving you…that’s stupidity:D

woman

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