Self Impose Happiness

smileyI am not so happy  being lonely, self impose loneliness.

Sometimes we settle for whatever is there for the sake of breaking the monotony of  routine.

I maybe, involved myself into such stupidity, like that, but  I guess its ok.

It has revealed a lot of awakening, threathing and overwhelming traits that I thought I never posses.

Some self impose loneliness aided me as to how to truly I am being value, though it should maatter less.

But now, i am trying to be happy – even if it is just a self  impose happiness.

Casio fx991

calcu

As a trying hard engineering student, my calculator has been a part of me. It is as essential as the food am eating.( i may sound exagerating but thats it). Through the years of hard work and sleepless night, that device has been my buddy.

My older brother gave that to me when i was i guess a frehsman.  He forsee that i need that.  I took good care of my calculator. I always check on it. That calculator has been already a part of my college career.

My sister barrowed my calculator then one return home and just siply say “NAWALA -LOST-………

i AM HURTING BECAUSE OF IT..HAHAIZ

Brokenheart

brokenSome one send me this text message. I just want to share it with you

How wud I say gudbye 2 sum1 i nvr had?

Y do my tears fall 4 sum1 hu never was mine?

Y s 8 dat i miss sum1 i was never w/?

and

Y do i love sum1 hus love was never me??

indeed its heartbreaking…but one must be happy because she/he love.We are to be happy thinking we love even if we are not being loved in return. thats life, it is never fair but it is just ;)……

who am I

the_sad_clown

I am mai and this is me.

I am maquarading as a clown

but all those smiles are empty.

I make peole laugh and be happy

but i cant do it to myself.

I am broken by people –

i know im at fault for allowing ’em.

Fixing myself is never as easy as breaking me.

How long would i be this way

I am smiling but they are empty

I am so well at the outside but am dying slowly inside

I am determine to be a better me

A clown that could be true to herself.

Not afraid of the critisim, Not afraid of anything

Soon I will be a better me 😀

The life that I Live!!!

blueeyetearsI grew up trying my best to follow my parents, thinking they are always right. I have given up some of my dreams and i  let ’em control me. I guess i  just tried to be a good daughter. Now i am contemplating if they realy ever been fair to me? It is so hard to conquer the disappointments and the realizations and deal with ’em in a way that would  suit best for you. For eventually if you let it prevail, it will destroy you.

Disappointed – because i used to think that my family is okey. even if our set up is quite unsual compare to that of a normal family  but now i knew it is not. I have given up a lot of things in my life because of people that i thought appriciated and loved me, but did they ?? it seems i cant see it or evn feel it. They hurt me deliberityly.  I wanted to make things right now, but i am having difficulty of doing that.  They still stick into my senses. I grown up to be this way and now i realize that it is not me really. It is them that i am trying to live and portray. I know the sole responsibilty lied inside me but the things i’ve gone through makes it so hard for me. I pass the stage of regretting and now i am in the process of letting go and forgetting. I wanted to be a better person but often i am overcome by my self.

I have faith that by Gods grace and mercy I will be well and better :D..

She is not selfish

I knew a girl which was least favored. Promises made towards her were takenselfishfor granted for she was never brave enough to remind those people who vowed towards her. This girl strive so hard for perfection for she grew up or rather she was raised to be accepted by everybody. This girl could have done better if only there was someone to guide her through.

She deals with her pain  and learned to be brave at the back of her weakness. The pain  she gone through made her strong. Strong enough to fight life odds and to remain standing. Family – use to be the reason why she choose to be good even if it was the exact opposite of her. I said use to be because that’s what it really mean, she was disillusioned when the family’s skeleton of the closet were revealed to her. She tried to be a better person, work hard to free herself from all the bitterness,hatred and all the pain she gone through.Then, now she realized that all the sacrifices she made were in vain

She was young,but that doesn’t  mean she had no right to be bitter towards the elder. She is hurting but it seems nobody cares what she feels, when in fact she reach that state because of them.She was often called “selfish” – but now let me ask you???? Is she????….

May God Bless her soul and I pray that would be able to please her creator and to be able to give glory and honor to the Master Jesus  Christ.

Choose your Color (colors and thier meaning)

parade of colorsI personally learned to like and eventually love green. I guess that color is already been a part of me. The story behind that choice is kinda silly, well its because my older brother which i greatly adore love that shade.

People choose color to associate with their personality, some have something to do with identity, beliefs or simply because it seems a lot of people are using it. Whatever your reason is, it is still interesting to learn the meaning of your color choice.

Red
Red communicates love and beauty. In Christianity, red symbolizes love, blood and the martyrdom of Christ.

Orange
Orange represents enthusiasm, excitement and adventure.

Yellow
The color of joy, gladness, delight, and the promise of a new beginning. It also represents playfulness, creativity, warmth, charm, confidence, basically an easy going attitude about life.

Green
The peaceful color of a spring meadow, once banned by Christians now means hope, peace, healing and growth in Christian life.

Blue
Blue is the color of constancy and faith, the color painters used for the Virgin Mary’s robe, the color of the heavens and the oceans. The soothing color blue stands for sky, good health, sensitivity, truth, loyalty, patience, friendship and dignity. In Christianity, blue symbolizes Mary and Advent.

Violet
Purple is symbolic of power, majesty, spiritual goals, passionate belief, visionary leadership, respect and wealth. It has been worn by emperors, military commanders, and other high-ranking officials. In Christianity, purple means penitence.

White
White means purity and innocence, serenity of a snowy landscape. In Christianity white symbolizes joy, glory and the road to heaven and it was thus the color of newly baptized Christians as well as the Pope.

Black
Both in art and in religion black signifies despair, sin and mourning. But yet with many artists, the color implies elegance. In Christianity, it stands for Death.

Pink
Pink symbolizes appreciation, thanks, grace, happiness, and admiration. Pink also symbolizes love, friendship, harmony and compassion.

Brown
The color of the earth symbolizes home, friendship. Amber, a golden brown, represents courage and energy.

Silver
Silver removes negativity and symbolizes encouragement.

Gold
Symbolic of the sun and glamorous attraction.

Now that you know,maybe you will be amazed that  simple choices really in a way speaks something about us.As for me, I been eye-ing over yellow and violet eversince, but I am into it really because only few shades that seems to be acceptable to my taste are available.

Richard Marx Ready To Fly Lyrics

I’ve been trying to open the door
To the secret of my destiny
And every new road I think is the one
Seems to lead right back to me

I’ve looked for a way to be wiser
A way to be strong
Now I see the answer was hiding
In me all along

Chorus:
And I’m ready to fly
Over the sun
Like a rocket to heaven
And I’m ready to soar
Right through the sky
Never dreamed I’d find something to lift me so high
I’ve always had wings
But I wasn’t ready to fly

Restless, hopeless, and misunderstood
Like so many others I know
So busy tryin’ to keep holdin’ on
When I should’ve been letting go

I was given the gift to find it
The spirit inside me
But I never really imagined
All I could be

Chorus:
And I’m ready to fly
Over the sun
Like a rocket to heaven
And I’m ready to soar
Right through the sky
Never dreamed I’d find something to lift me so high
I’ve always had wings
But I wasn’t ready to fly

The answer to all of my wonder
Was right in my hands
Now it’s time for me to discover
All that I am

Chorus:
And I’m ready to fly
Over the sun
Like a rocket to heaven
And I’m ready to soar
Right through the sky
Never dreamed I’d find something to lift me so high
I’ve always had wings
But I wasn’t ready to fly

I’ve always had wings
Now I’m finally ready to fly

I simply love the song…………everyone has the abilty to fly…just believe in yourself the answer is with in :)….be happy with this life serving God and be yourself…

FLY HIGH!!!

Not the best Mom!!!

You never been the best mother in this world,

because you never been at your  best either.

Don’t  worry mom, even if you are not the best

it does’nt mean we love you less

You never been the best mom in this world,

for you know your kids less.

You have to wake up early in the morning to do your job,

You never have the time to check on us, well maybe only when we are sick.

Don’t worry for i know, it doesn’t mean you love us less either.

You seems to love your kids less for you often spang us with just a little mistake.

I am determine not be like you mom, for I know I can never be.

You never been the best in this world not because you choose to,

but because you never given a change to be one.

For you are never just a mother to us but a father also.

So don’t be sad mom, you are able to send us to good schools

You sacrificed a lot, and i guess you where able to raise kids that do respect you.

You never been the BEST mom because you are far more than that….

Thank you!!

Finally Home!

I was amazed when I arrived in church for the service this morning. Well, the altar looks amazing, the flower setting the preparation for that morning is quite extra ordinary so I was expecting for something, but the service ended normally. Nothing new happen. Then I thought, “Is this a sort of some welcome for me”???

I lost my way in my spiritual  journey for a couple of months now, let’s just say I stop and take a glimpse of the world rather than looking straight to Jesus but sad to say that glimpse lasted for 6 months I guess. For 6 months I live my life the way I wanted, and guess what?????, I ended up losing hope, everything is a mess but by God’s grace I found out that the things I did are just chasing after the wind, words from Solomon.

Attending the service this morning was i guess the big step for my come back. Funny, but the message goes like this “Ways of the sinner’s is hard”, whoa, soooooooooo right for me. Message is about ” God’s Chosen people being the slave because they worship another God then they are freed for they repented” I wish I can narrate everything ,To sum it up, I have the feeling that the message was prepared for me.

I was and still overwhelmed by the privilege that my father had given me. He made me realize that I need to be back home because that’s the place that I should be. I am soooo thankful coz because of great his love even if I am, constantly failing still He never get tired of teaching me, encouraging me and forgiving me.

To God be the Glory Now and Forevermore!!!! 🙂

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